


a focal point

by monkkeyslut



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Death, F/F, Minor Character Death, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkkeyslut/pseuds/monkkeyslut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her name was Costia.</p>
<p>Or, how Lexa falls in love and hates herself for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a focal point

**Author's Note:**

> So I really love Costia?? Or the idea of her, at least. And I like the idea of exploring Lexa pre-canon, so I might write more about her and Costia later, but for now it's just this. I saw a photoset on tumblr that used Antonia Thomas as a fancast for Costia, which I loved, so I kept it. 
> 
> Title is from the song "I Found" by Amber Run
> 
>  
> 
> "I'll use you as a focal point, so I don't lose sight of what I want."

_Her name was Costia._

\--

The first time Lexa sees Costia, the girl is cutting open the belly of a mountain lion, grimacing as blood bubbles up and pools over her hands. The first thing Lexa thinks upon seeing the girl is _amateur._

She doesn’t even hear her approaching, and Lexa is astounded that this girl could have taken down this beast, let alone shoved her knife into its stomach. At least she isn’t gagging or throwing up, but Lexa assumes it is only a matter of time.

Finding a big enough stick that will make noise if she steps on it, Lexa steps down and watches in amusement as the girl whirls around, smirk on her face and, oh, no--

Lexa’s head cracks against the ground as the trap pulls her off her feet. She might lose consciousness at some point, maybe for a few seconds, because one minute she’s looking at the girl smirking in front of her, and the next the girl is right in her face, fingers trailing along Lexa’s cheek.

“Shouldn’t you know better?” The girl asks, voice sweet and lilting, very much at odds with the look on her face. Like she just caught her dinner. Who knows, Lexa thinks with annoyance, hands trapped at her sides, she might have. “I mean, as Anya’s second.”

Lexa snaps her teeth at the girl’s fingers, wondering how she didn’t see the trap before. She’s being _trained_ for this, dammit. She should have. Lexa replies in her native language, “Shouldn’t you know better than to trap Anya’s second?”

The girl laughs, head tilted back and throat bared wide. When their eyes meet again, Lexa feels a twist in her gut, too much like a knife but without the pain that would bring. The girl’s eyes are sparkling, face alight with mischief. Says, “I like a little danger.”

Lexa finally frees her hand enough the grab the knife at her side and slashes through her bonds, but by the time she’s back on her feet, the girl is gone and all that remains is the lion. Lexa snarls, whirling around to try and catch a glimpse of her, but she doesn’t see anything.

\--

The second time Lexa meets Costia, the girl is kneeling at Anya’s feet, swearing to stand by the Woods Clan and protect them with her life. Their village is small, but full of warriors, and Lexa knows that the Commander will like this girl, even if Anya does not.

If Lexa wasn’t completely annoyed with the looks the girl kept sending her, narrow-eyed gazes and a smirk that reminds Lexa of the dull ache she’d had on the back of her head for a week, she would probably be shocked. Nomads didn’t often join the Clan, especially not Nomads who didn’t have any former allegiance.

And if Lexa knew anything, it was that Anya was a vindictive bitch, and she probably should have done as she’d been asked earlier that day, because now Lexa is being assigned to keep watch on Costia, and this is not how she planned to spend her week.

Costia’s smirk grows into something lethal, feline. Lexa pretends that the flutter in her stomach is indigestion.

\--

It doesn’t surprise Lexa that three weeks after Costia’s strange arrival, three Nomads come looking for her.

What does surprise Lexa is how scared Costia is.

Daisy is carving her name into a tree while they stop to catch their breath, all exhausted from trying to catch a particularly cunning boar early that morning. Lexa stretches, smiling slightly when her back cracks and relieves some of the tension. On a rock by her feet, Lincoln says, “That sounds disgusting.”

“You’re a healer,” Daisy frowns, twisting her head to look at him. “Shouldn’t you be used to that?”

“It’s still disgusting,” Lincoln snaps with his nose in the air, fingers tightening around the small satchel that holds his poisons and antidotes. “So is your face; turn around and keep watch.”

Cosita is quiet on Lexa’s right, eyes scanning the trees, probably looking for the boar. Lexa wants to tell her to relax, that they’ll find it or something else again, but before she gets a chance, Costia is moving, shoving her out of the way and--

The noise she makes is muffled against Lexa’s shoulder, but she can see the shaft of an arrow sticking out at an awkward angle near Costia’s shoulder, the blood already dripping sluggishly down her back. Lincoln and Daisy surround them as Lexa shifts, trying to move from beneath Costia’s weight, but the girl grabs her hand tightly. “We need to--to go,” she hisses, sitting up.

Lexa can’t see the Nomads, but she knows that they’re around. Can smell them, almost. The foul scent of their anger, their desperation. Nomads are not happy people. Nomads don’t know what happiness is. They’re more ruthless, won’t hesitate to kill them because they aren’t allied to anyone.

“Grab her,” Lexa snaps to Lincoln, while Daisy tosses something into the vicinity of the Nomads. She can hear them scrambling, but whatever Daisy had throw must have been a diversion, because nothing explodes.

They run.

Lexa doesn’t know why, but she listens when Costia tells her left, or right, or down, or up. She listens even though the girl is slowly bleeding out and Lincoln is begging her to go back toward the village.

The bunker they find is in a deeper part of the forest that is covered by such thick moss, vines, and foliage that it’s difficult to maneuver. Still, Costia guides them into the thick of it, wincing every time an arrow whizzes past them, or when a spear nearly impales Daisy.

They must lose the Nomads for a moment, because when Lexa finally shuts the heavy door of the bunker, sealing them inside, nobody tries to get in.

\--

“Let’s play a game,” Costia murmurs, voice slurred from pain, eyes barely open. The fingers of her left hand continually open and close around Lexa’s hand. The girl’s right shoulder is heavily bandaged, and Lexa feels like it’s her fault.

“What kind of game?” Lexa whispers back, shifting so she’s more comfortable against Costia’s weight. Lincoln and Daisy are asleep on the bed a few feet away, both exhausted and weary. _We’re lucky we found this bunker,_ Lexa thinks once again, eyes shutting with her own exhaustion. _We’re lucky we’re not dead._

“I say two truths and a lie,” Costia begins, licking her lips, “and you have to guess which is the lie.”

“I barely know you,” Lexa smoothes hair away from Costia’s forehead. “How am I supposed to know what the truth is?”

“That’s the fun. I’ll go first.” Costia shifts, wincing as it pulls at her shoulder. Lexa resists the urge to push her back down and tell her to just get some sleep. She knows the girl won’t listen to her, though, so all she does is shift and allow Costia more room to get comfortable.

When she finally settles against Lexa, she’s out of breath and red faced. Her lips twist as she thinks, and finally she says, “I killed my mother, I was a member of the Ice Nation, and I can see the future.”

Lexa’s fingers twitch against Costia’s hip, eyes narrowing as she takes in the girl before her. The girl doesn’t look like a killer, but Lexa has seen the wild side to her and knows better than to judge her just by what she sees. The answer is obvious, and Lexa is only a little smug as she says, “The lie is that you can see the future.”

“Nope,” Costia breathes out a laugh, “I wasn’t a member of the Ice Nation.”

That’s just ridiculous. “You can’t see the future, you idiot.”

Costia hums, twisting her face until it’s pressed to Lexa’s neck. She doesn’t blush, but that’s because she’s a trained warrior who is especially good at subterfuge. Still, she wraps her arms tighter around Costia, passing it off on keeping her warm.

\--

“Why were they after you?” Anya asks, eyes narrowed as the four of them stand before her, kneeling. Costia stiffens beside her, and Lexa’s fingers reach out for hers, out of sight of Anya or the others. Costia squeezes her gratefully.

“I...I had a few scuffles with some of the Nomads in the Dead Zone, before. They must have been tracking me.”

Anya looks suspicious, but she turns away, arms falling to her sides. “They’ve been taken care of.”

Costia’s sigh of relief is palpable, and Lexa wonders, briefly, what she’s gotten herself into.

\--

“You’re going to fall in love with me,” Costia murmurs, neck deep in the swimming hole. Her hair is wet and plastered to her head, she has seaweed wrapped around one arm, which appears every time she shifts, and there is mud on her cheek from Lincoln’s excellent aim.

Behind Lexa, Nyko and Lincoln let out similar sounding laughs and she whips around, narrowing her eyes at them. They’re both soaking wet and lounging on the soft, spongy moss surrounding the swimming hole. Lexa almost considers kicking them both, but Costia’s laugh catches her attention once more.

“Why would I do that?” Lexa asks, moving her legs through the water, wincing when the coolness seeps into the fabric folded up around her knees. Costia swims closer. “You have no redeeming qualities. You’re terrible,” Lexa grouses, shifting when Costia’s hands smooth up her calves. “Absolutely the worst.”

The two boys have slink off somewhere, probably because Costia has given them what Lincoln has dubbed “the eyes”, and Lexa feels even more wary than she had before. “Don’t pull me in the water.”

“I would never,” Costia’s lips turn up, her smile sweet. Lexa has come to know Costia over the past several months, though, and she knows better than to trust that smile.

“Where did you get this stupid idea that I’ll fall in love with you?” Lexa mutters, wrapping her legs around Costia. The girl shifts in the water, lifting out of it and placing her elbows on either side of Lexa’s hips. Her smile is more predatory now.

“I can see the future,” she coos, lifting her face close to Lexa’s. Their noses brush, and from here Lexa can see all the freckles Costia has, can tell that there are shades of green in her hazel eyes.

Stomach clenched and throat tight, Lexa shoves Costia back in the water. “Get real.”

\--

Lexa runs her finger along the raised flesh of Costia’s side, following the thick scarring from her hip to her shoulder with a frown. “Who?”

Costia’s voice is tight, her fingers clenched hard around the furs draped over Lexa’s bed. “It doesn’t matter, they’re dead.”

It does matter, but Lexa doesn’t say that. _Was it the men from the woods, all those months ago?_

She wishes she could kill the person who did this to Costia, wishes she could cut them up the way they did her. Her teeth clench so hard that her jaw aches, but her fingers are gentle on Costia’s skin. “I’m sorry that this happened to you.”

Her lips quirk up, skin flushing as Lexa’s piercing gaze seems to strip away everything else. Lexa’s fingers itch to touch her. She’s wanted to do this for so long now, that it almost seems fitting to do it on a night like this. Everything is coming together, and they’ll work through it together.

She thinks about what Costia said before, about knowing the future. Wants to ask, _did you see this coming? Did you see me and know we would be this?_

Instead, she leans forward and presses her mouth to Costia’s.

\--

“Why were you alone?”

Costia shifts slightly, eyes still tracking the movement of the Mountain Men. They’re both tense, wary of the white-clad figures moving between the trees a few yards away. When she deems them far enough away, Costia asks quietly, “What do you mean?”

“When I first met you, you weren’t part of a Clan. Why?”

A loud crack ricochets throughout the forest, but too far away for the Mountain Men to have been aiming for them. Still, Lexa’s hand reaches for her bow, just in case she needs to put one of them down. Costia’s hand is vice-like on her knee, knuckles pale.

When the birds stop crowing and the forest settles once more, Costia breathes out a sigh. “People who have been touched by radiation aren’t allowed to be around others.”

Lexa’s brows furrow, confusion clear on her face. “I’ve seen every inch of you, Cos.”

“Sometimes it...it is internal. I was bad luck, so I left.” Costia shuts down then, face blank and careful as she stands, stretching out her sore limbs. “Let’s get back, I want to see if Indra actually got that mountain lion.”

Lexa nods.

\--

The battle is hard, and Lexa can barely see due to the large gash opened on her forehead. It leaks steadily down into her eyes, and the wound in her side aches like a son of a bitch. Still, she’s doing far better than those around her, both Woods Clan and Sand Clan.

She steps forward, prepared to find Anya and make sure the woman is alright, but she staggers, mouth falling open as pain lances through her head first, then the rest of her body. At some point, she must fall.

Somewhere else, someone is crying. Many people, Lexa thinks numbly, watching feet race toward her. A dozen feet away, another body is lying face-down, and Lexa recognizes the braids of their Commander just barely through all the blood and gore around her head.

Lexa’s mouth tastes metallic, and the last thing she sees before the world fades to black, is a star falling.

\--

Lexa wakes up briefly, eyes finding Costia in the darkness. The girl is awake, staring down at their joined hands, and Lexa mumbles, “I feel heavy.”

Costia doesn’t meet her eyes, but tears drip steadily down her cheeks. “Of course you do,” her lover says, voice barely discernable in the small room they’re in. “Commander.”

\--

Lexa finds Costia sitting in the mud of a small clearing, hands wrist-deep and filthy. Her heartbeat slows a fraction as she sees that the girl isn’t injured, but her anger rises because what the hell is she doing out here at night? Lexa would kick her ass if she weren’t healing from a shoulder injury.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” Lexa demands, grimacing when her boots sink into the soft ground. The night is cool and calm around them, the air moist from the recent rain fall. They should be back in TonDC sleeping and preparing for the Commander’s funeral in the morning.

Lexa isn’t even supposed to leave, but everyone else had been busy and she needed to make sure that...that Costia was-- _is--_ alright.

Costia doesn’t acknowledge that Lexa is there which is aggravating. She did not just trek through the woods to find her, only so Costia could ignore her. “I’m serious, Cos, what--”

“Do you think they’re actually stars?” Costia asks, voice odd, almost like she’s sleep talking. “The ones that fall from the sky.”

“Sure,” Lexa says, slowing her steps as she comes closer to Costia, wary now. “Why? What’s wrong?”

Costia looks up at her, mouth parted and eyes heavy-lidded. “I think a star is going to fall here very soon.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, stretching her hand out for Costia to take. The girl blinks owlishly at the appendage, before taking it.

\--

“What the _fuck do you mean?”_ Costia is practically spitting, her eyes alight with fury and her fists are clenched tight at her side. “ _Gustus!?”_

Lexa sighs, reclining in her chair and pressing a hand to her face. When she smears the black war paint, she sighs even louder. If only she’d met a nice, calm girl. “Cos, you _know_ it isn’t personal.”

Costia laughs meanly, pointing her finger. “Are you kidding me, Lexa? You said that you would _love_ if I were your second! And now you choose _Gustus!?”_

“There is nothing wrong with Gustus,” Lexa holds up her hands, frowning. “And you know that lovers--that being my second would be dangerous for everyone.”

Costia huffs, hands on her hips as she glares at Lexa--the Commander, and if Lexa preens a bit at that, well, who cares, she’s the Commander--and says, very slowly, “ _I_ wouldn’t let it get in the way.”

“Says the one who tried to get me off in the middle of a council meeting. Did you think nobody would notice your hand or arm moving? Come on.”

With an indignant shout, Costia slams her hand down on the table. “I was doing a public service! You were so uptight and I just...”

Lexa moves from her very comfortable seat to stand in front of her annoyed lover, resting her hands on her shoulders. “I would have picked you, had I been given the opportunity.”

Costia sighs, blowing a curl out of her face. “You have to make it up to me. I will not go easy on you, just because you think you’re someone important now.”

Lexa’s smile is small and genuine, and when she presses her lips to Costia’s, she’s never felt better.

\--

“Two truths and a lie?”

Lexa turns her head on the pillow to look at Costia, who lies on her side with her hand under her head. Her hazel eyes are darker than usual, even in the low light of their tent, and Lexa is suddenly exhausted, the day’s events finally catching up with her. She wonders if this is how she will feel forever, like she has a weight on her shoulders, or rocks in her stomach, weighing her down. Commander Lexa.

It just doesn’t sound right.

“Sure,” she nods when Costia touches her cold toes to Lexa’s calf. “Go ahead.”

Costia shakes her head, leaning forward until they are sharing the same pillow. Lexa relaxes into the bed. “You go.”

Pursing her lips, Lexa whispers, “I’m ready for this, I’m happy about this, I love you.” She isn’t sure where the lie is, doesn’t even know if there is one. Wonders if Costia will be able to tell. She wonders if she’s even playing the game right.

The light of the dying fire sends shadows across Costia’s face, making her expression difficult to discern. Lexa presses herself tighter against the bed, fingers curling and uncurling at her side.

“I’m scared,” she whispers eventually, when it becomes clear that Costia can’t or won’t say anything. Her throat feels tight and her jaw is clenched. “I didn’t ask for this.”

Costia’s laugh is more a whispered thing, breath warm and floating across Lexa’s nose and cheek. “You’ll be just fine, Lexa. You’re strong, and smart, and clever. The people trust you.”

“Do you?” Lexa’s voice is barely a whisper, and fear settles hard and heavy in her chest. _Please trust me,_ she wants to ask. _I need you to._

Costia’s fingers tangle in Lexa’s hair, and she rests their foreheads together. “Of course, you idiot. I love you, too, you know.”

\--

“I was thinking,” Costia says, breathless above her, “once you’ve settled into your position, we could see about maybe adopting? I know--I know many of the younger orphans just-- _oh_ \--need some guidance, and--and I think I could be-- _Lexa!”_

Lifting her head from between her lover’s legs, Lexa smirks. “Yes?”

“I’m trying to have a _serious conversation!”_ She snaps, but the dopey smile on her face belies her annoyance. “Do you want kids?”

“I want my people happy,” Lexa says, kissing Costia’s thigh. “I want _you_ to be happy,” she moves closer, nose brushing along her hip. “I want everything and nothing.”

“You’re so poetic,” Costia mocks, flicking Lexa on the forehead, but Lexa is too busy to care much.

\--

Lexa leers at the Ice Nation’s Commander, watching the older woman scowl and squirm in her seat atop a massive horse. Lexa’s own horse is still and calm beneath her, and it only adds to the control Lexa feels over the situation. Beside her, Gustus smirks, and on her other side, Costia’s face is careful and blank.

“The next time I order you off our lands,” Lexa says, eyes sliding to the man in front of her horse, Indra’s knife at his throat. “I mean it. I meant it the first time, I meant it the second. Now, you’ll see what happens when people disregard my warnings.”

She nods at Indra, and as the knife slides across the man’s throat--the Commander’s second--Lexa lifts her chin. “If I see you or any of yours on my land again, I’ll show you just how strong the Woods Clan is.”

Lexa doesn’t notice the way the Ice Nation’s Commander’s eyes fall on Costia, doesn’t notice the pain in her gaze as her second dies at their horses’ feet. Lexa doesn’t think about what she’s just done, just focuses on the rush of power and pride she gets when they turn around and leave, enjoys the way her people cheer and shout.

Later, she’ll wish she had paid closer attention.

\--

“We’ll be back sooner than you think,” Costia smiles, hand resting on the hilt of the dagger Lexa had given her at her side. Her smile is small, though, brittle almost. Lexa watches with trepidation as her lover and Daisy set off into the woods, disappearing as they move between the trees.

Daisy is one of their best fights, Costia their best tracker and trapper. It makes sense that they would go off, try to hunt down the Dart, especially after he killed his wife and son, but... but something feels off. Something feels wrong, and she isn’t sure what.

“Commander,” Gustus’ gruff voice brings her back to reality, and Lexa turns, nodding at her second. They have things to do, people to meet with, and at least it will take her mind off Costia being off on her own.

\--

They find Daisy nailed to a tree. Nailed to seven trees, to be precise.

Costia is nowhere to be found; the only sign of who might have taken her and killed Daisy is buried in a tree beside Daisy’s head.

Lexa watches Indra wrench the ice pick from the tree and swallows done the bile that fills her throat.

\--

They can’t _do_ anything, and it is the most frustrating thing.

The leaders of her villages stand around in a war council, but they all know moving against the Ice Nation would mean suicide. The lands of the Ice Nation are more treacherous than they’re used to, and leaving their people alone for such a long time could mean an attack from the Mountain Men. Not to mention rallying a thousand warriors, hell, even a hundred, to save one woman is...well it’s a waste.

Costia means nothing to these people. She wasn’t born here, doesn’t know their customs fully, and most importantly, she hasn’t sat in on any important meetings. She can’t hurt the Woods Clan.

The Ice Queen cannot hurt the Woods Clan, not really. But Lexa imagines that this isn’t her goal. She means to hurt Lexa the same way she hurt her, wants Lexa to make a rash decision, lose her cool and her life or position. She wants to show Lexa that she doesn’t seem them as a _threat_ and Lexa can’t do a damn thing about it.

If there is one thing Lexa knows about being the Commander--no, a warrior--it’s that you make decisions with your head, not your heart.

Even if it feels like it’s breaking.

\--

When Lexa returns home two days later, she is surprised at how empty it seems. When Costia was there, she filled the small hut with everything she had, always too big and boisterous for their small quarters. Always finding things in the woods and bringing them homes; metal plates with numbers and letters, glass bottles with wild flowers sticking out of them, feathers from birds.

The flowers are dead now, and the bed is made and empty. Lexa wonders if she is doing the right things, wonders what Costia would want her to do.

“Two truths and a lie,” she tells their empty bed, throat closing over the words, eyes burning. “I did what I had to do. I did what I wanted to do. I did what you wanted me to do.”

The bed is silent back, but Lexa didn’t really expect any different.

\--

In the morning, she braids her hair messily, fingers fumbling along the strands. Costia was better at this, could always get the back where Lexa couldn’t reach.

\--

A messenger of the Ice Nation arrives one day, nearly a month later.

He looks grim and pale, skin tattooed and scarred, his back straight as he steps into TonDC.

“I’m here for the Commander,” he says in accented English, looking too warm under all his furs. Gustus is close beside her as Lexa moves through the crowd. “I have a message from the Ice Queen.”

The man’s eyes are piercingly blue, almost like ice itself. Lexa thinks of the Ice Queen and her blue eyes, so bright with fury and loss when Indra slit her second’s throat.

Lexa lifts her head high, keeps her body tight with anxiety, her face serious. “Unless it is accompanied by my Clan member, I don’t wish to hear it.”

She only realizes now that the man is carrying two sacks, and he smells foul.

His lips quirk at the edge, a hint of a smirk. When he tosses one sack to the ground, curling, matted brown hair spills from the opening, along with a dark forehead.

“The Ice Queen says that the Woods Clan and Ice Nation are even, now.”

Everything around Lexa goes dark, and all she can focus on is the head in the sack, the hair matted with blood, so dark it’s nearly black. She wonders what the last look on Costia’s face is, wonders if she was scared, or if she knew it was coming. She always said she could see the future; Lexa wants to know if she saw this.

Her eyes flicker up at the messenger, to the sides at Gustus and Anya, who seem to be prepared to hold her back if she were to lunge forward.

At that moment, though, all Lexa wants to do is go back to the battle with the Sand Clan and die, the way she was supposed to.

Instead, Lexa snaps at someone to collect the sack and ensure that the messenger finds his way out of the forest.

\--

Lexa and Costia’s hut burns down later that week. She had left the fire burning in the hearth too long, and an ember had jumped out of the pit, landing on one of the furs that covered their bed.

It’s almost a relief, watching their home burn. Lexa feels better about it, glad that she doesn’t have to go in there and lie on the too-large bed anymore, glad she doesn’t have to see all the things Costia gave and all the emptiness she left behind.

\--

_You’re going to fall in love with me,_ Costia had said. It feels like a lifetime ago, the last time Lexa saw her or touched her or told her that yes, Costia was right. She did fall in love.

Lexa swears as several stars fall above her head that she will never do it again.

  



End file.
